Living in quick sand

I feel like I’m living in quick sand these past few weeks.  We’re in the process of considering a house.  Yes, just the consideration alone is a process.  Then comes the buying process.  Then the moving process.  And so on…

I am not a “process” person.  I like to make a decision and go with it.  Waffling on my decisions is so not like me yet I can’t seem to escape it.  One minute I want to buy this house; the next minute I see all the spare cash floating right on out the door and I completely change my mind.

I worry about so many different things.  What if’s that I have no control over.  What if Rob loses his job.  What if I lose my job.  What if something goes wrong with the house.  What if, what if, what if…and I find that the what ifs don’t cover what if we’re fine?  What if we’re happy there for many years.  What if it’s the best financial decision we can make for our family. 

The man and I have made it through so many adversities over the years.  We’ve faced it all.  Death, pregnancy, moving, job loss, parenting issues, the whole gamut.  I’m sure we can survive homeownership. 

I remember moving into the co-op.  We always seemed to be waiting for the “landlord’s shoe” to drop.  Three years later…the shoe hasn’t dropped yet.  Why?  Well, because we don’t have landlords.  We ARE the landlords, it just takes a bit to remember that.  If we buy this house, we really won’t have to wait or worry on anyone or anything but ourselves.  It will really be OUR house.  And that thought terrifies the be-jeesus outta me.  How do I get over this fear? 

I guess it’s a waiting game.  A wait and see situation.  Which I suck at.

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