And the story goes…

“Life is what you make it. Always has been, always will be. ” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

This quote really resonates with me.  I went to counselling for the first time last week. Scary at first but after a while it wasn’t so bad.  I realized that this was another avenue for me to gain insight, wisdom and an opportunity to grow as a person.  Growth isn’t bad and usually, it’s not so scary either.  Anyway, one of the things that was pointed out to me is my need to control my life – a huge part of my anxiety issues stem from this need.  Now, I’m sure I could go into a huge tyraid on how I have issues from my childhood and trauma and the whole nine yards but I am not going to.  Of course I have issues, so do you, your neighbour and the guy sitting next to your neighbour.  Issues are what makes us human…

(Don’t worry…I have a point…)

The reason this quote resonates with me so deeply is because these words give you complete control.  Complete control over your life and the choices you make in your life.  Ok, so I know what you’re thinking…well we can’t control everything that happens in our lives.  And guess what?  You’re right.  You can’t control the things that happen in your life but you can control how you respond and how those things affect you.  That’s where your control comes into play.

If someone does something to me that’s terrible, I have a choice.  I can lash out, I can retaliate, I can be sad, I can harbour all of these feelings and foster a black spot in my soul OR I can learn from the lesson, I can examine how another’s actions make me feel and make sure that I don’t find myself in that position again.  If I chose to keep said person in my life, I have to be aware that there is potential for repeat.  That the behaviour that made me hurt can be repeated and I have to accept that. 

A long time ago I vowed to never allow myself to settle.  Vowed to live my life happy, otherwise what was the point of years and years of sadness and hurt?  I vowed to make sure that I was living the best life I could because I deserve it.  I want to be a fun grandma with stories of fun, laughter and adventure…except I haven’t kept my word to myself.  I haven’t been “living”.  I haven’t been doing the things that make my soul happy.  I’ve let others dictate how I should live and who I should be.  I say “No Thanks.”  I’m proud to say I’m unlike a lot of people you’ll meet, why?  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  I just know my life is meant to be full of fun and love and laughter.  I’m glad that I remembered my vow to myself, I’m glad that I’ve been able to look at myself and gain a self-awareness and I’m glad that I have the ability to chose what my life will look like.

We are the puppet masters in our own story.  I think I’m going to write a comedyromanceactiondrama.  Yup, that’ll be my story.

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