Dreamscapes and Landslides

I have been told that I am a vivid dreamer and I agree.  My dreamscapades are radical, entertaining, realistic and memorable.  It isn’t often that I dream and then don’t remember.  My dreams fascinate me.  They give me something to think about, to analyze, to delve into; however, when I wake, I go about my life in a doldrum fashion. I give very little thought or analysis to the “why’s” in my life.  I hardly glance at the needs, wants and desires of my soul.  The urge to spread my wings, expand my mind, expand my bubble – ultimately expand my life.

Lately I have been trying to rationalize the vast difference in my dream world vs my waking world.  I’ve been thinking why am I enjoying my dreamscapes so much but completely, and utterly, ignoring my wakescape (yea, I made that up).  Why is it that I’m not building a world of wonder while I’m awake?  Why am I holding myself back while I’m awake but letting it rip while I’m asleep.  I mean really, I spend about the same amount of time in each place.

In my dreams, I don’t let people walk on my heart, I don’t justify hurt, I prioritize myself, I literally live “dream big” …so why am I not giving myself that same respect during my waking hours?  No matter how hard I try, I simply can’t put it together.

I look around the world and every now and again I am touched by a soul who is amazing, brilliant, and so full of life and light that it’s palpable.  And I want that…no, I crave that.  And I know it’s there for the taking…I just need to reach out and take it.  I suspect that fulfilment, enrichment, a nourished soul is not so much found in a bucket of kale or a gallon of water but rather it’s learning the talent of making your life “right”.  Those moments that make your heart and/or soul hurt take something from you, they take away a bit of rightness until the moment comes where every waking hour no longer feels “right”. 

I want my life to feel right.  I want to bounce out of bed and greet each day with enthusiasm and joy.  I want the people in my life to support me, love me, value me.  I want to talk with people who talk back, who engage in conversation and have an honest interest in what I have to say.  I want people in my life who can recognize that I’m practicing being vulnerable, that I’m not perfect, that I need tenderness and support.  I want people in my life who see me as more than something to posess.  I’m not just a body to use, I’m not a soul that can be claimed.  I want people in my life that inspire me to share who I am, that care about me just as much as I care about them and that aren’t afraid to show it.  I deserve that.  I want to make my dreams my waking life too.

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