Merry-Go-Round

Remember when you were a kid and parks had merry-go-rounds? Your friends would dare you to hop on while another one would starting twirling you around and around and around until the world passed you by in a blur? Yeah, I remember those too. Those blessed, dizzy-making, accidentswaitingtohappen machines have all been removed from parks now likely because some parent, somewhere, was mad that their child didn’t come with the qualities of a rubber bouncy ball and hit the ground hard instead of bouncing.

Life is a lot like those crazy ass mery-go-rounds.  You hop off of one of those trips around the circle, dizzy as all hell, your world turned upside down and you have no clue how you’re going to walk one step forward, let alone walk for the rest of the day.  Some kids ignore the blanent obstable of the world spinning in their eyes and think, I got this! I’m gonna make a run for it.  They take off, make it all of a half of a step and crash onto their faces.  Other kids stop, take a breath, close their eyes and simply wait for the world to right itself and then take their step and carry on.  Blissfully unaffected by the stomach turning ride they’d just undertaken.

Can you guess which kid I was?  Yeah, patience never has been a virtue of mine.

I am teaching myself to resist the urge to just run head-long into the dizziness. I am encouraging myself to simply close my eyes, acknowledge the moment, remind myself that whatever situation I’m in, whatever I’m feeling isn’t permanent and if I just stop, experience the dizziness and wait, the world will be right when I open my eyes.  I am also teaching myself that I get to dictate when I’m ready to open my eyes.  No one else does.  I don’t need to explain how much time I need to stand there, I don’t need to explain why I need to stand there and I don’t need to adhere to anyone else’s timeline but my own.  I am allowing myself to experience my feelings, acknowledge them and take the time I need to take to get through it.

I am attempting to put this method of thinking into practice in many areas of my life.  Patience with myself.  Allowing myself to be perfectly imperfect.  Not searching for validation of what I’m feeling or the choices I make from other people.  Simply not searching for validation from anyone but myself.  I am practicing speaking good things about myself without having to caveat that with an explanation.  I am acknowledging my areas of weakness and attempting to accept them.  But more importantly, I am practicing being ok with all of this.

I am a good hearted person. Full stop.

I am an intelligent woman.  Full stop.

I have a quick wit.  Full stop.

I am unmotivated.  Full stop.

I am headstrong.  Full stop.

I am me.  Full stop.

 

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