Category Archives: Food

12 Weeks to Wellness

As you may have gathered, my overall wellness has been weighing heavily on my mind lately.  That’s mostly because I have very little wellness in my life these days and I really want to change that.  So, I’m changing it.  *nudge nudge* – see?  change?  it’s a theme in my life.

I am very fortunate in that my workplace offers several different wellness programs that are available free of charge to employees.  I simply couldn’t squander an opportunity like that.  So, I signed up for three programs.  The first one is a program called “12 Weeks to Wellness”, the second is one-on-one work with a dietician, the third on is called “Mindful Meditation”.  So far, the Mindful Meditation one is a bust because the counsellor is a flake BUT the other two are awesome.  So 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

This is the first time I’ve really tried any programs like these so I wanted to document my progress and I figured here would be just as good a place as any.  My program will run from Feb 22 – May 16.  It’s fantastic timing because for me, Spring is a time of renewal, rejuvenation and life.

So let’s take stock of where I am today.  I got my blood panel done today, waiting on results for that.  I struggle to find the energy to just manage day-to-day life, my weight and diet need a complete overall.  I feel completely overwhelmed and at odds with myself.  I know that my emotional health, physical health, mental health and spiritual health all need to be worked on and I’m finally, finally taking the steps to do so.

This week’s chapter is called “Creating a Healthy Lifestyle for Weight Loss and Wellness”.  I like to add a bit to that and say “Creating a Healthy Lifestyle and Environment for Weight Loss and Wellness”.  I added the “Environment” because it’s something we tend to overlook.  Our surroundings, the things we hold on to, our habits; all of those things contribute to our day-to-day health.  So, I have taken these steps to make a healthier environment for myself:

  1. I wrote a reminder to myself on my bathroom mirror to remind myself of why I’m embarking on this journey, what I’m committing to and why it’s important.
  2. I deleted a ton of old facebook messages, blog posts, emails, letters, etc that were written to people that are no longer in my life.  I will likely re-write these as part of this wellness plan but I want them to come from a different place in my heart.
  3. I have shared my plan and journey with friends and family around me and that I know will support me.
  4. I have quit smoking (again).  Today is Day 10 with no cigarettes.
  5. I have reached out for help (outlined above).

I have started down the road to healthier living in the past but have never really stuck to it.  I think that’s because I wasn’t truly doing it for me.  I wasn’t ready.  I am ready now.  I am ready to take control of my life, let go of what’s burdening me, and give myself permission to live the best life for me.  I’ll try to blog each week about how it’s going, where I’m at and what I’m facing/ achieving and struggling with.

So…without further ado…let’s do this!

Wellness wooden sign on a beautiful day

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She shoots…will she score?

Dropping all of your vices is scary.  Scary but empowering.  Motivating but challenging.  I have a few vices.  I drink too much, not like everyday but usually at every gathering and on Fridays.  We do beer Fridays in my world.  I smoke.  I didn’t for a really long time but I do again.  I eat.  Oh baby do I eat.  I eat good food because I love good food because I can cook good food so I do.  Sedentary.  I am that.  It’s like the food thing.  I am good at sedentary.

All kidding aside, these things are really not helping to lengthen my life.  While a lot of fun, these vices are costly, take a terrible toll on the body and really don’t do much in way of making you feel GREAT about yourself.  This is especially bad considering I am one of those people who love to feel great about myself peoples.  Particularly my strength and physical fitness.  I was strong.  Strong and proud of it.  Now, not so much.  I wasn’t afraid of hiking or jogging because I knew that I could breath and enjoy myself.  Now, not so much.

Clearly things have got to change.  But the thing about me is this…the second I tell myself I *can’t* have something, you can bet your ass I’m going to run out and have 15 of exactly whatever it is I’ve just told myself I can’t have.  Childish?  Yes.  It is what it is.  So, one would think then the easiest way for me to trick myself would be to tell myself I can’t have a healthy meal or can’t run up a hill and then you’d find me eating my salad WHILE running up the hill….right?  WRONG.  Nope, you know what I’d say to myself? “Well you’re clearly out of your mind. We’d better have a beer and a cigarette and contemplate this conundrum”.  Because I work like a slightly off-kilter, needs-to-be-oiled machine.

So this all being said, I’m going to try to learn something new.  lifegoalIt’s called goal setting and achieving.  I’m pretty sure 90% of the population already does this but I do not.  So I’m going to learn.  Fun, right?  Probably not.  BUT I’m pretty sure it’s not going to hurt me either.  I mean not setting goals and not having a plan HAS been hurting me so….

I am a great starter of things…and not a great finisher so that’s my first goal.  To get a plan together and stick to it for 30 days.  I’ll keep you posted….

 

Head Housekeeping

I don’t know how many times I’ve typed a sentence only to lay on the backspace button and forever erase what I’d just written. Heck, I just did it five times. Every time I open this page I expect some rush of wisdom or witty banter to flow from my thoughts to my fingers and finally into the interwebz that will reap hoardes of viewers and build a healthy following of eager listeners. (I have mentioned my completely unrealistic expectations, right?) And every time I open this page and start typing, I get discouraged by the fact that I erase what I start to say a bunch of times before I actually start getting my thoughts out.

What does that say to me? I have ridiculous expectations and my brain is scattered. I need to start doing a little internal spring cleaning. Get my thoughts out. Get the stuff that keeps rolling around and around and around in my head, OUT! I need to finally embark on the next leg of my healing journey and that is exactly what I’m going to do.

As you may, or may not gathered, I am overweight…like way overweight. No, scratch that. I’m fuggin fat. And I’m sick of it so what do I do? I start planning. Plan, plan, plan and then do a little of the do-ing and then get pissed off because my plans are taking too long (I wasn’t joking about those expectations of mine) and then I self-sabotage and then BOOM! Back to square one. Yes, I do this often. Yes, I know what the definition of insane is. This time, I’m going to do things a little differently. See? Told you I know I’m being insane. This time, I’m not going to focus on my weight or my food or my exercise. This time, I’m going to focus on doing a little head housekeeping. I’m going to try and get my thoughts calmed down, my spirits lifted and remember that I am me. I am going to teach myself how to calm my expectations a little bit. I am going to be patient with myself. I am going to learn what works for me and my body. I am going to learn how to deal with my stress and focus on the undercurrents that may be leading to my sabotage. I know how to eat healthy, I know how to track my food and I know how to exercise. Clearly, there is more going on here than just that. I am holding onto this weight either literally or figuratively or both but regardless of what it is, I am going to get to the bottom of it. Starting now.

Goals for this week:

1) Do one meditation
2) Write at least 3 blog posts or journal entries
3) Find one positive thing about each day to celebrate and post on my facebook status (keeps me real, yo)

Good goals, right? I think so!

Nailing it
Nailing it

Dawn of Realization

Have you ever heard the phrase “dawn of realization”?  I always thought that I knew what that meant.  And apparently I’ve been wrong for quite some time.  I know, I know, mark your calendars.  I clumped in “dawn of realization” with all those other hippy, dippy phrases people use to describe some epiphanic moment in their lives.  It’s not a hippy dippy phrase though…it’s an actual thing!

So, at the beginning of January, I jumped back on the Wonder Weightloss Wagon and so far, I have had success!  For the first time ever, the weight that I put on (after my dumbass drunken manouver stellar display of gymnastics resulting in two blown out knees) is melting off.  It. Feels. Awesome.  Naturally, whilst one is attempting to lose weight, food becomes a MAJOR focus in your life.  (Hint, we are passed the Iamcompletelyblindingmyselftinthedeadofnight point of my realization).  So, naturally, all I think about is food.  Bad. Idea.  When one who is addicted to (glimpse of realization) food, thinking about it incessantly, is kind of like putting a chunk (rock? block? hit?) of heiron in front of a skitzed out junkie and telling them to just look at it.  Riiiight.  When a foodunkie (yep, still making words up yo) thinks about food, they aren’t thinking about how nourishing that bunch of kale is going to be or fantasizing about how that quinoa is going to provide you with hunger-satisfying protein for the rest of the day; they are telling the voice screaming that the double chocolate-dipped triple big mac you’re staring down is bad for them to SHUT THE @#$% UP! 

A foodunkie is in love with food like a 15 year old girl is in love with their first boyfriend.  It’s obsessive.  It’s all-consuming.  It’s unhealthy.  Food is not something that we should be using to occupy our time, fulfill wants, or to fix some emotional problem we don’t feel like looking at.  Except that is exactly what’s going on.  Food is fuel.  Pure and simple.  It will only make you feel better if you’re hungry.  Otherwise, that “good” feeling you’re expecting is really guilt, shame and defeat.  I’ve decided (which can be interpreted as the first twinges of twilight) that I need to break up with food.  And no, I’m not going to go on a hunger strike or stop eating but I am going to stop thinking about it.  I am determined to think about food when I’m hungry and it’s time to eat (and apparently while I blog).  Then I will be faced with a choice.  Then it comes down to healthy choices.  (oh, look at the pretty pink my realization is turning)…

So, in thinking of food and how I think about food, I realized that this really is the end of the line for my eating habits.  It really is like a bad breakup.  I thought to myself, this is a “for life” thing.  This isn’t a journey where I’ll get to my goal weight and be all like BOOM!  Break out the Burger King and double dip that @#$% in double chocolate.  Why would I waste all of that effort?  This was really my dawn of realization.  Basically, it comes down to this. My health, my nourishment, my body and my self image are worth fighting for.  It’s a looooong, up hill battle.  There will be times when I’m tired, discouraged and pissed right the hell off and I acknowledge that BUT there will also be times when I’m super motivated, when I achieve success, when I get to buy that gorgeous shirt because it @#$%ing fits!  There will be a time when I look at the lines in my shoulders and be happy and there will be a time when this conversation leaves my daily dialogue.  It will become my new way of life.

So bare with me while I’m inconsisten in blogging, when I rant about not being able to eat and drink my face off AND achieve my goals and while I work through all the issues surrounding how I became a foodunkie. 

WTF?!?!!?  I was kidding about the chocolate dipped burger
WTF?!?!!? I was kidding about the chocolate dipped burger

Thanksgiving

Every year we give Thanks usually around a big dinner table, surrounding by those we love.  It’s an appropriate time to give thanks.  There is a lot to be thankful for.

This year, I want to give Thanks now.  And every day it seems that I am becoming ever grateful for my life and those around me.  For a couple of weeks, I had an intense bout of jealousy.  I was jealous for what other people do.  What other people have.  The lives they lead.  The bodies they’re in.  It was ridiculous and necessary all at the same time. 

Why was my jealousy ridiculous?  Because I have a fabulous life.  My husband is one of the most loving, adoring men I have ever met.  He is so patient with me and puts up with so much of my crap sometimes I’m amazed he doesn’t up and leave.  I am truly blessed to have him as my partner and my lover and my life.  I have beautiful, amazing children.  These kids are good kids.  And that’s not just my bias as a Mom coming out either.  People who spend time around my kids will tell you the same thing.  They are well mannered, polite, interesting, cool people.  I have friends who care.  People who care about me and are there to celebrate, cry and rejoice with me.  I have a job.  Maybe not the ideal one but it’s a job.  It affords me the ability to pay my mortgage, put food on the table and survive in this world.  I have health.  I am not full of cancer, I can breathe, my skin isn’t fighting against me.  I am healthy.  I have a lot to be grateful for and thankful for in my life.  These are all reasons why my jealousy was ridiculous.

Why was it necessary?  Because it made me realize how much I have to be grateful for.  If I cry, I have someone who pulls me close and kisses my forehead.  If I’m afraid, I have someone who holds my hand and tells me it’ll be ok.  I am able to hug and kiss both of my children every day and every night.  I can’t count on both of my hands the number of people I could invite to a party or call up on the phone and all of those people would genuinely be happy to hear from me.  I would say I live a priviledged life.

So what if I’m not living on the coast of Greece.  So what if I can’t buy every new toy.  So what if I’m not thin.  When I’m snuggled up with my family watching yet another animated movie, or when I see my daughter so proud because she just treated her parents to dinner, when I got to experience the excitement of my family when we saw the sold sign on our house…there is nothing in this world that would make me happier.  In the end, I’m thankful that I was able to realize how much joy, richness and fulfillment I have in my life.  I’m thankful for having so much to be thankful for.