Category Archives: Meditation

For a Moment

I read a meme once and it went along the lines of “People always acknowledge the first time for something but we so easily overlook the last time.  The last time you tuck your child into bed, the last time you drop your child off at school, the last time you gather around with all your friends present, the last time you talk to your mom/dad/brother/sister.  Be thankful, be present”.

That’s not it exactly but you get the jist of the message.  And it is so fundamentally true.

Lives change, children grow, people die, effort is lost and without even realizing it, the last time you’ve done whatever it is you used to do has passed.  That particular meme really impacted me.  Deeply.  It is so so sad but also so so true.  A lot of people spend their lives looking forward with excitement and looking back with regret but rare are those who live in the moment.

How often have you found yourself simply enjoying space with people you love. Listening to the tone of their voice, watching how their eyes wrinkle when they smile, or noticing the way they fidget with the sleeve of their coat.

How often have you gotten busy and cancelled that lunch with an old friend?  Always with the intention of rescheduling but then time slowly slips by and one day you realize it’s been years since you’ve seen your friend and they’ve become more of an acquaintance than a friend.

Being present, really present is difficult.  It takes practice.  It is a conscious choice to forget the last 10 minutes and not think about the next 10 minutes but really pay attention to this very moment.  Once a minute or moment passes, you’ll never get it back.  We only have so many minutes and to turn those into moments leads to a rich life.

I am so very grateful that I started this practice when I did. It has allowed me to appreciate so many moments I knew I would want to look back on and remember, not just what we were doing but the feelings.  The joy, the happiness, the hope.  Without making the conscious choice to acknowledge those feelings, in that moment, I would have just remembered the day but not the impact it had on my soul.

So, if you ever see me just observing, with a soft smile on my face, know I am appreciating the moment.  Observing myself and others around me and just taking it all in.

 

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12 Weeks to Wellness

As you may have gathered, my overall wellness has been weighing heavily on my mind lately.  That’s mostly because I have very little wellness in my life these days and I really want to change that.  So, I’m changing it.  *nudge nudge* – see?  change?  it’s a theme in my life.

I am very fortunate in that my workplace offers several different wellness programs that are available free of charge to employees.  I simply couldn’t squander an opportunity like that.  So, I signed up for three programs.  The first one is a program called “12 Weeks to Wellness”, the second is one-on-one work with a dietician, the third on is called “Mindful Meditation”.  So far, the Mindful Meditation one is a bust because the counsellor is a flake BUT the other two are awesome.  So 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

This is the first time I’ve really tried any programs like these so I wanted to document my progress and I figured here would be just as good a place as any.  My program will run from Feb 22 – May 16.  It’s fantastic timing because for me, Spring is a time of renewal, rejuvenation and life.

So let’s take stock of where I am today.  I got my blood panel done today, waiting on results for that.  I struggle to find the energy to just manage day-to-day life, my weight and diet need a complete overall.  I feel completely overwhelmed and at odds with myself.  I know that my emotional health, physical health, mental health and spiritual health all need to be worked on and I’m finally, finally taking the steps to do so.

This week’s chapter is called “Creating a Healthy Lifestyle for Weight Loss and Wellness”.  I like to add a bit to that and say “Creating a Healthy Lifestyle and Environment for Weight Loss and Wellness”.  I added the “Environment” because it’s something we tend to overlook.  Our surroundings, the things we hold on to, our habits; all of those things contribute to our day-to-day health.  So, I have taken these steps to make a healthier environment for myself:

  1. I wrote a reminder to myself on my bathroom mirror to remind myself of why I’m embarking on this journey, what I’m committing to and why it’s important.
  2. I deleted a ton of old facebook messages, blog posts, emails, letters, etc that were written to people that are no longer in my life.  I will likely re-write these as part of this wellness plan but I want them to come from a different place in my heart.
  3. I have shared my plan and journey with friends and family around me and that I know will support me.
  4. I have quit smoking (again).  Today is Day 10 with no cigarettes.
  5. I have reached out for help (outlined above).

I have started down the road to healthier living in the past but have never really stuck to it.  I think that’s because I wasn’t truly doing it for me.  I wasn’t ready.  I am ready now.  I am ready to take control of my life, let go of what’s burdening me, and give myself permission to live the best life for me.  I’ll try to blog each week about how it’s going, where I’m at and what I’m facing/ achieving and struggling with.

So…without further ado…let’s do this!

Wellness wooden sign on a beautiful day

Babble Brain: Journey to the Centre of the Universe…and my Heart

Over the last year or two, I have been intentionally trying to be a better, more understanding, more level-headed, more honest, more compassionate and overall better person. I haven’t always been great at doing that but I have certainly been doing better.

I made the decision to live my life differently because I felt gross about myself. In my heart of hearts I didn’t feel like I was being fair to my own self and that’s because I wasn’t. I was lying, cheating, laughing at consequences and it made me feel sick. It validated every bad thing people had called me over the years and I hated that. I hated feeling like my name and my character was no better than dirt. So I decided to start paying attention to the Universe around me and the heart in me. Trying to align the two. To my surprise, the lessons that I had balked at learning over the years were still lingering about, waiting to be learned. I chose to start learning them. I am so grateful to have made the right choice.

heart

There have been a few moments over the last little while where I was faced with the very change I’m talking about. I could choose the way I reacted/ responded to a situation and in those moments, I chose to react and behave very differently than I would have in the past. I am proud of those moments. Change takes an effort. Change takes patience. Change isn’t instant. Change is rewarding. Change makes it easier to sleep at night. The right changes bring you peace.

Change is a challenge because with change brings even MORE change. It’s never-ending. When you decide to make one small change in yourself, your heart, your life it ends up bringing about a few more small changes and then some more changes after that and then some more even after that until you end up almost not even

I had real fears about losing myself. Losing my edge, losing my funk, losing the very essence of me but what I’ve come to realize is that I haven’t actually been myself for a very, very long time. The good news?  I am slowly getting myself, my true self, back and it feels soooooo good! I am able to own my feelings, I am able to own my faults and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I can breathe. I don’t feel like I owe anyone anything. I am finally freeing myself of binds I tied a long time ago.

Through the first stages of my journey, I will admit I’ve lost a few people I considered loved ones along the way. At first that made me really angry, and truth be told, that anger is still there. It’s just not as intense as it was. I have had the opportunity to pause and examine those lost relationships and really identify if they are healthy and positive relationships or if they are unhealthy, one-sided relationships. And just as you would suspect they were unhealthy, one-sided relationships. As hard as it is to let people go, I’m learning that letting go is ok because a balance will be found. Just as I lost some relationships, I also rekindled and gained some. Luckily, having opened myself to the lessons of the Universe, I can approach these friendships and sisterhoods with my heart boundaries in place. And that is more freeing than I could imagine.

This first leg of my journey has taken quite some time to get rolling but it’s in full swing and I’m loving it. I can feel my soul starting to ache for the next step. Maybe its building lost esteem, maybe its learning to love myself again, I have no idea. I do know that I am excited to see what it brings.

emerge