Well hello peeps…thanks for putting up with my last, somewhat vulgar, post. Not my typical blog post but much needed.
I have been harbouring an awful lot of anger in my heart and it really, really needed to come out. Nothing made me realize that more than this past weekend. Luckily, I was able to and was supported in doing so. It was fantastic.
I am one of those “fine” people…you know the ones right? The conversations typically go something like this:
“How are you?” ~ “Fine.”
“How’s life?” ~ “Fine.”
“Are you ok?” ~ “Yep, I’m fine.”
“Do you need help?” ~ “Nope, I’m fine.”
Except this past weekend I
decided had to do something differently (we all know the definition of insanity right?) and I answered those questions with “no”. It scared the daylights out of me to do that because I was worried that not being fine somehow made me less. Somehow people wouldn’t care. Somehow I wouldn’t be superwoman. Man, I was so wrong. I was immediately surrounded in love, support, understanding, friendship, guidance and acceptance. Not being ok was totally ok.
It was one of the most liberating and freeing feelings I’ve had in a very long time. For once, it was ok to not know what to do or how to do whatever it was that needed to be done.
The person who was making a point of hurting me this past weekend has been hurting me for a very long time and I’ve had enough of it. It’s not that I can’t take it anymore – I don’t want to. I don’t want to and I don’t have to. The toxicity that comes from that individual is black and thick and infectious. So, I simply put my heart in other people’s hands and asked them to hold it safely while it was hurting so badly. And they did.
The outpouring of support, understanding and love was, and still is, incredible. It was a moment in my life that I know I will look back on often and draw strength from it. I know that taking that small risk made a very large, impactful difference in my life because I know it’s ok to not always be ok. I know that there is a safety net there to catch me when I fall and I know it’s made of the strongest substance on earth. Love.