Tag Archives: new year

Rocking Resolutions and a Year in Review

Well folks, I know you’ve all been waiting on baited breath waiting for my traditional “year in review” post. 

Wait…what?  You haven’t been waiting at all?  Pffffttt.  Well, too bad.  I’m writing it anyway.

I’ve been mulling this post over in my head for a while and have even started it a couple of times but couldn’t really decide the direction I wanted to go in.  So I decided to revist my last year’s post to see what I had to say waaaay back then and in doing so, I was reminded of those nasty trolls.  Damn it!  Why did I have to re-read that post.  So, because I usually have to do the same things over and over many times in order to learn my lesson, I decided to revisit that ridiculous website that basically rolls the dice for your resolution (go ahead – I dare you:http://www.moninavelarde.com/newyears/) .  Really, I need to start learning my lessons the first time through.  So, with the same snarky grin on my face, I press the “gimme more” button…

First “roll”: Follow through.

I. Kid. You. Not. Already I know I shouldn’t have hit that button, already I know that this is not going to be the funny, I-pulled-one-over-on-the-universe trick I thought it was going to be.  Shit.  Follow through huh…ok.  I totally get that.  I’m terrible for making plans and then breaking them.  Volunteering for something and just bailing at the last moment.  It also swings into my parenting techniques.  I am the mother of a thousand chances and zero follow-through.  That technique has failed me once, I’ll be damned before I let it affect how the other two turn out.  Follow through…<mumble mumble grumble>…fine.  I’ll work on it.  BUT that’s not a resolution.

Second “roll” (yes, I am really stubborn to a fault): Let go

<insert extreme profanity here>…ok trolls.  I know you’re capable of funny.  I know that you’re capable of humour.  This is supposed to be a funny website.  You, website, are failing.  Epicly.   Let go.  Ok, I get it.  I really, really need to learn this.  I even know I need to learn this.  I even said it to my darling husband just the other day.  “Q1 for counsellor: How do I let things go” – or something along those lines.  Really, it’s my Achilles heel.  I obsess and mull things over for WAY too long, I let it stress me out, I get all tense over it.  Letting go.  Novel thought.  Good skill, guess I’ll have to practice that.  I still don’t think those trolls are funny.

Finally, thinking to myself that this stupid website has made it’s point, I click the button one more time…: Start a piggie bank.

I have never glared at a computer screen so hard in my ENTIRE life.  Alright, alright.  I call mercy.  I get it.  The universe is not just trying to send me a message but she’s slapping me straight upside the head with it. 

In all seriousness though, for the first time, I feel that I actually did make personal progress in 2012.  I can feel it in my own self.  It’s not so much how I do things or even what I’m doing.  It’s a great culmnation of things that are coming together.  I find myself calmer in some ways and more intense in others, except now it’s in the right ways.  I am slowly working to quiet that hateful little voice in my head and even in the hardest moments, when I want to just let ‘er rip, I tell her to sit down and STFU.  She has no place in my life now.  I feel like I am taking the time to really look at myself and those around me, analyse their words, watch their actions and really try to understand them.  I finally, for the first time in my life, am taking a stand with the people in my life.  I have never been good at drawing boundaries.  Lie to me, hit me, disrespect me, use me, make fun of me – I was always more worried about having people in my life vs having quality relationships.  I’m not doing that anymore.  I deserve better than that because I am better than that.  For the first time in my life, I believe I am a good person and deserve better than that.

What will 2013 bring?  Who knows.  We weren’t supposed to get this far.  For me though, it will be much of the same.  Though I have no trophies to display or plaques to hand around, I am proud of my accomplishments over this past year.  I am fighting some of the toughest battles anyone can fight. I am over coming years of mental conditioning that I am not good enough, not important enough, only loved if I’m a certain way.  I am slowly overcoming serious depression without medication (hence shutting up that wicked bitch in the back of my mind).  I am battling anxiety, a highly misunderstood, nearly invisible thing, without medication.  And I’m fighting those battles for me – also a first.

So I guess, even though I always claim to not make resolutions, I do in a way.  They just aren’t based on a year.  I am resolved to live the happiest life I can. 

Happy New Year to you all.  I hope 2013 is everything you hope it will be

Ok, ok, ok…you all know I didn’t stop at three clicks right?  Here are the rest:

Be a leader

Strike up a convo with a stranger

Be true to myself and others

Sing in the shower (FINALLY!)

Join a choir (what’s with the singing?  I am NOT a good singer)

Be happy

and finally…carpool.  Very funny trolls.  Very funny.

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Resolutions and Evil Trolls

I have always been a fabulous resolution maker and a terrible resolution sticker-to’er.  This hasn’t changed and it never will so I gave up trying to perfect New Year’s resolutions.  Why?  Mostly because it’s an exercise in setting yourself up for failure and  I really, really hate failing. 

Now you know how I feel about resolutions so imagine my chuckles when I came across a site that’s called “2012 New Year’s Resolution Generator”…hell yeah!  I’m all over that…it’s the epitome of what is wrong with New Year’s resolutions.  Some random online generator that has no knowledge of where you are in your life, what needs to be changed or what your personal goals are.  So, laughing to myself, I clicked the link and waited on (barely) baited breath to see what my first resolution for 2012 would be…

Ready for it?

Be spiritual

W.T.F. – how can some random generator know I actually need to rediscover and embrace spirituality in my life.  And how can it be that, that particular item pops up first?  *sigh*  So I wipe that off as coincidence.  Fine.  I’ll play along.  Again…click on the link, chuckling to myself thinking that the inter-ether isn’t going to get the best of me!

Second times a charm, right?

Wrong.

Meditate

W.T.F. – again, is this machine tracking my thoughts or something?  Meditation is a definite must for me.  I need to get in touch with who I am, what I am and who I intend on being.  Meditation is an excellent outlet for this particular goal.

Ok…now I’m relying on the three strikes rule…click again, teeth gritted and waiting for some snarky “play less on the internet” resolution…

Not dwell on the past

*raises middle finger to computer monitor*

I’m pretty sure there are evil trolls in the computer that have mind-reading capabilities. 

Despite those irritating little trolls, these three resolutions are so incredibly true for me.  I am at a cross-road in my life and I’m struggling with the path that lies ahead of me mostly because I haven’t really dealt with the path that lies behind me.  Imagine trying to lug tonnes of baggage through mucky sand…yeah, that’s where I’m at.  So I’ve decided that I need to leave the baggage at this cross-road.  It means that my stop here is going to be a little longer than I had intended but in the end it’s time worth spending. 

Through attempting to offload some of this baggage, I’ve been dealing with some pretty ugly, brutal memories.  It’s stuff like this that brings up some very hard questions, very hard emotions and at times, a terrible aloneness.  BUT…it also provides me an opportunity for some closure.  An opportunity to move past the ugliness and move into a better space.  And each time I take that opportunity, I lighten my load just a little bit more.  And THAT is a very good thing.

And for any of you that are wondering if those pesky little trolls ever found a sense of humour, here are the 10 resolutions that ridiculous program came up for me (yes, I went all the way to 10)

1) Be spiritual

2) Meditate

3) Not dwell on the past

4) Participate

5) Find the time

6) Try harder

7) Be curious (ok, maybe this one is their idea of a joke…curiousity is simply a part of my nature and more often than not gets me into a LOAD of trouble)

8) Be me

9) Listen

10) Appreciate the simple things

11) Be fearless

…ok, I know that’s 11 but I just needed to see if I was going to get a funny one.  For what it’s worth, my co-worker got 1) solve the rubik’s cube 2) learn to say hello in 5 languages and 3) Re-read a book from high school…apparently the trolls like her much better.

For those of you who’d like to giv’er a shot, here’s the website: http://www.moninavelarde.com/newyears/

For those pesky trolls…next year, I’ll make sure you’ve got nuthin’…oh wait, crap…was that a resolution?